Make Big the Little I Do

A few years ago I received a phone call asking if I could visit a young girl (13) who was in the hospital with cancer. The call came from the girl’s grandmother who also shared that the girl’s mom didn't care much for her "religious ways" and there could be some opposition to my visit if the mom is there.

It can be awkward visiting someone who’s in a serious condition, especially if you don’t know them. You are stepping into one of the deepest and most emotional times in their life which is an honor if you’re invited, but if you’re not, well, then you really don’t want to be there either.

Corinne and I made it to Loma Linda Hospital the next day and found the young girl in her room alone and quite sleepy due to all the meds. Her hair had fallen out from the Chemo treatments and I remember being struck that she looked much older than she really was. I explained who I was and that her grandmother had asked me to visit, hoping to make our being there a little more comfortable.

She seemed very tired and didn’t say much. I shared simply that God loved her, and wanted to be part of this difficult time in her life. I encouraged her to talk to the Lord about all she was thinking and feeling. We prayed and I left a card with my phone number and told her that she or her mom could call me anytime. The next morning, Corinne and I left the country and took a team to Wales for two weeks. When I returned, I called the hospital only to find that she had been released and I had no further information regarding her.

Months later, the grandmother came to the office and told Mary, the receptionist, that her granddaughter had passed away. She wanted to personally say “thanks” and said that her granddaughter told her that our visit meant so much to her. When Mary told me this, it struck me hard; I had no idea that our time there meant anything to her at all. Was I so busy and distracted that I didn’t sense what was going on? For goodness sake - she was only 13 years old! What did I expect? I went into my office, closed the door, and cried. If the little time I spent meant so much, why didn’t I spend more time with her? I failed to see the the privilege I had to represent Jesus to a precious 13 year old girl, who had become much older than she really was.

God help me not to miss that again and please take the little I do and make it of lasting value.

SWAY

I recently read a book entitled, ‘SWAY - THE IRRESISTIBLE PULL OF IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOR’, and it lived up to its title as it told story after story of senseless behavior and why it takes place. I found the stories and research very compelling. Why pilots with perfect records would make obvious and fatal mistakes, or how students’ opinions could drastically be swayed by a single word. The studies were astonishing and very illuminating.
Here’s an abbreviated example from the chapter, ‘Compensation and Cocaine’:
At the University of Zurich, research was done as to how the people in a local town in Switzerland would respond to having radioactive waste stored near their community. The people were informed that the federal parliament had selected their town as one of the best places to store these contaminants. When they took a vote at a town hall meeting, 50.8 percent felt a national responsibility to accept the facility, the other half of the group opposed to having the waste stored nearby. This other half represented a significant problem, so the government tried to win over some of the townspeople by compensating them with money ($6,500. a year per family), but when money was introduced into the proposal the percentage dropped from 50.8 in favor to 24.6 in favor! How could offering people more produce less?
The book goes into detail as to why this happens and illustrates how our brains process things. Basically, it’s as if we have two “engines” running in our brains that can’t operate simultaneously and that run on separate fuels. When one is engaged, (the pursuit of money for example) it closes the door to the other (national pride, love, and loyalty) and vice versa. It brought to mind Jesus’ words: You can’t serve God and money, that you will hate one and love the other. The studies also showed how we respond the same way with other things besides money; like drugs, gambling, and sex. I was reminded of the many people I’ve known who said they loved their family, only to destroy what they love by engaging in these very activities. And when asked why they would do such things, can give no sensible answer for their behavior.
Anyway, it’s a short read (fewer than 200 pages) and story after story kept me intrigued.

God Bless the Ninja

Years ago when I was starting out in youth ministry, I received a call from one of my high school students saying he wanted to meet with me because he had just run away from home. I remember hanging up the phone (before cell phones) and excitedly thinking, “This is it! This is youth ministry!” On my way down to meet with Mark, I nervously rehearsed in my mind all the scenarios I could think of, as well as what I might say and asked God to give me some divine answer that could help rescue this young man.

I found Mark there in the 7/11 parking lot and began talking to him. I asked him some of the questions I’d been rehearsing in my mind earlier. “Why did you run away? Where are you going to live?” He told me that he wasn’t getting along with his parents and felt they were being unreasonable (common stuff I thought), and then he dropped the bomb. He said that he planned to go to Japan so he could become a “Ninja”, that’s right, a Ninja! I thought to myself again, yet differently: “This is it? This is youth ministry?”

As I stood dumbfounded with my mouth open like a Venus Flytrap, I wondered, “What am I supposed to say to this?” Part of me was angry and thinking, ‘I drove here for this?’ Another part of me wanted to laugh and say, “You go, young grasshopper.” But I really did want to help and eventually swayed him to go back home and to school (not Ninja school).

Since then I’ve found myself fondly remembering, and even longing for, that innocent yet naïve conversation, but unfortunately things don’t always go that way. Instead there have been the conversations in a psych ward with a 15 year old girl who had a complete emotional, nervous, and psychological break down; with a 17 year old young man living on the streets addicted to drugs and alcohol; with a 16 year old girl, pregnant, scared and alone; with those who have contemplated suicide, attempted suicide, and with the families of those who have committed suicide.

I don’t remember the exact words I shared with Mark, but I do remember the sentiment. It was that God understands right where you are, your frustrations and fears as well as your passions and dreams. Pour your heart out to Him, for He understands, cares and will guide you through this.

I really am thankful for my talk with Mark and for the lesson learned that has served me well over the years.

Filling in the Blanks

The other night a friend and I visited a small artistic community out in L.A. I have wanted to go out there ever since I read a book “Untamed”, written by Alan and Deb Hirsch, who are part of this community. Of course it figures that the night we went, they were doing things differently than usual (that always happens when I go someplace new), but in spite of that I was still able to get a good picture of what they are about. Even though the evening was unlike anything I’ve attended before, I had a great time and found the people engaging, unique, and disarmingly real.

I know my opinion going there was swayed (in a positive way) because of how much I liked the book, and that got me thinking about how big a role our prejudices play when we encounter something new.

We have a habit of making quick assessments based on the little we hear, see, or know. This happened to Jesus when the religious leaders saw the prostitute crying at his feet, or him eating with “sinners”. What they saw only affirmed what they already believed about him. And what they believed was wrong.

This happens to us as well. Some after reading about this group I mentioned visiting may assume because I used the words artistic and unique that they are unorthodox in their beliefs. Others are reading this and wondering, “When did you even talk about their beliefs?” I didn’t. Some of you thought fondly of them simply because I used the words artistic and real. But WE ALL key on things or words that have certain meanings to us and file the rest under the labels we make.

The problem with labeling people is that it prevents you from seeing what's clearly before your face; all you're seeing now is the label and instead of allowing the truth to fill in the details, you fill in the blanks with what you already believe, even if what you believe is wrong.

Paralyzed

When I was 5 or 6, one of the neighborhood kids had a pair of boxing gloves so of course we had to try them out. My problem was that most of the kids were older and I soon found myself pinned by a kid twice my size punching me in the head (yeah, that’s how we boxed in Pico Rivera). As a result, I was hospitalized, almost paralyzed, and in traction for 3 days with a dislocated neck.

Recently I’ve felt paralyzed trying to write. It’s like I’ve been punched and left in traction because of some hard things happening to family and close friends. It’s hard not to let emotions completely control your thoughts and with me these thoughts would surface every time I would begin to write and no matter what the subject was, my emotions would begin to poison everything that I wrote. It was like I was writing at someone instead of to or for them.

People don’t respond well to you blasting their issues (I don’t). But people also have a hard time letting go of the issues and problems they see (I do). Wanting to fix the issues is part of what motivates us to make a difference in the world as well as in the people we know and love, but we need to remember that the goal is not to win the argument, but the heart, and we’re not going to win the heart by arguing!

Sometimes you have to care enough to speak to the issues and sometimes, like the prodigal son, you have to care enough to let people go and pray that someday they will see their issues. How do you know when to do which? It’s not always clear, but you can’t live paralyzed. Sometimes you just have to tenderly move forward living in the tension of them both.