Changes

Changes

I am going to make some pretty big changes regarding my traveling both to Sacramento for the dog training and to lead the studies up in St. Helena.
As I have shared before it has been difficult driving back and forth. I don’t want to come across complaining or say this to make anyone feel sorry for me, I actually share this in my weakness, I have had quite a bit of internal turmoil regarding this.
I’ve been praying since early July, wondering whether St. Helena is really where the Lord is leading my family and me, or am I pursuing this merely because I have no other choices? My thoughts have been that if the Lord is not leading me in this direction, then will I now end up doing nothing? So then, would I rather do something, than nothing? But then again, would I rather do nothing than something that the Lord is not leading in? Anyway, I hope that conveys some of my mental and emotional struggles.

Again it is in my weakness I humbly admit that I sought and needed counsel, and so I spoke to a pastor who I prayed and believed could help me sort through some of these things without the emotional baggage.
My time with him was clarifying and very healing; as a result of our time I will not be going up to St. Helena for at least the next two months and also cutting back on the dog training. He shared (and I believe it wise) that I needed to spend less time running around trying to make something happen because of fear or worry and more time seeking the Lord for direction, and confirming peace. That it’s hard to hear the Lord’s still small voice when you don’t take the time to be still and your own head is screaming so loud.


Now, I would like to try and make this helpful to others and not just a state of my psychotic affairs. I believe this is true in so many areas of our lives, we often feel we must do something and so that’s exactly what we do, “something”, not necessarily the “right” thing. And though I believe it’s easier for God to steer our lives when they're moving, maybe like me you too forget that waiting on the Lord is actually forward movement, and that praying is really very progressive.
Finally I have to say how blessed I was that as I shared these things with Pastor Bill in Napa and with some of the individuals in St. Helena, they not only understood and sympathized with my situation, but encouraged me in it as well. Which I found extremely comforting, but also very difficult, because really, who wouldn’t want to be with people like that?

I beg for your prayers during this time, that Corinne and I would hear, know and not shrink back from the Lords leading.