Let It Rain
Have you ever at the end of one those days or maybe weeks wondered "why am I doing all this?" I'm tired, overwhelmed with thoughts and things I need to get done, and for what!? That's what I was thinking last night (more accurately that morning) as I was trying to put some thoughts into my memory for the night's e3. Why am I doing this? Who cares and what difference is it going to make?
It was raining again; in fact a friend asked me "why do you think it keeps raining on Friday's? My response was, "rain is good, it cleanses things we can't see," I was thinking specifically of my attitude. We still had about 30 people come out in spite of the rain and all, but will I continue to do what I believe God wants me to do even if it's a battle and it rains every Friday? Add to the mix a week full of frustrating situations that I have no power over, praying for people who are seriously ill, counseling appointments that just make you cry afterwards, a women who already has had to give up 3 of her children because of bad choices made, who is pregnant again, and figures it best to just have an abortion "this time". Inside I'm screaming it would be best if you would just... sorry, my thoughts weren't kind, and my heart is broken for those kids and her continued bad choices.
A constant fear of mine is that one day I will look back on my life and all the things I have done, with the thought that it made no difference, all that I did was just a waste of time, a waste of life.
After tonight's meeting a couple of people talked with me about some of the things I said and then there was one... a girl who believes she heard from God through the things I shared, a confirmation to something that had been heavy on her heart and mind, she was in tears believing that God spoke to her and so we prayed that God would continue to guide her steps of faith and obedience.
You know, it really doesn't matter what things I accomplish in my life, what really matters is what God accomplishes in the lives of other through me.
I felt better after that, in fact even though I was a bit tired Corinne and I went with a group to grab a bite to eat afterwards, it was a good night.
and as far as next week,
... let it rain
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