Let It Rain

Repost from March 18, 2006

Let It Rain

Have you ever at the end of one those days or maybe weeks wondered "why am I doing all this?" I'm tired, overwhelmed with thoughts and things I need to get done, and for what!? That's what I was thinking last night (more accurately that morning) as I was trying to put some thoughts into my memory for the night's e3. Why am I doing this? Who cares and what difference is it going to make?




It was raining again; in fact a friend asked me "why do you think it keeps raining on Friday's? My response was, "rain is good, it cleanses things we can't see," I was thinking specifically of my attitude. We still had about 30 people come out in spite of the rain and all, but will I continue to do what I believe God wants me to do even if it's a battle and it rains every Friday? Add to the mix a week full of frustrating situations that I have no power over, praying for people who are seriously ill, counseling appointments that just make you cry afterwards, a women who already has had to give up 3 of her children because of bad choices made, who is pregnant again, and figures it best to just have an abortion "this time". Inside I'm screaming it would be best if you would just... sorry, my thoughts weren't kind, and my heart is broken for those kids and her continued bad choices.

A constant fear of mine is that one day I will look back on my life and all the things I have done, with the thought that it made no difference, all that I did was just a waste of time, a waste of life.
After tonight's meeting a couple of people talked with me about some of the things I said and then there was one... a girl who believes she heard from God through the things I shared, a confirmation to something that had been heavy on her heart and mind, she was in tears believing that God spoke to her and so we prayed that God would continue to guide her steps of faith and obedience.
You know, it really doesn't matter what things I accomplish in my life, what really matters is what God accomplishes in the lives of other through me.

I felt better after that, in fact even though I was a bit tired Corinne and I went with a group to grab a bite to eat afterwards, it was a good night.
and as far as next week,

... let it rain

A Day Is as a Thousand Years

A Day Is as a Thousand Years

Well the two days that I spent up in Sacramento were interesting and a little frustrating. I was hoping to get maybe five training lessons in during that time, but ended up with only two because of the weather. On my way back down I was thinking how the rain affects us all, both in good ways (farmers) and in bad (outdoor dog training!). I left for home right after the second lesson around 8:30 and was hoping to make it back by 1:30 or 2 a.m., but the rain came into play and slowed things down quite a bit. That was nothing though compared to the Armageddon that took place on the I-5 involving 28 commercial vehicles and one passenger car and totally shut down two freeways as well as tragically taking 3 lives.

When I came upon the accident I was stuck in between two exits and so it took me almost 2 hours just to exit the Fwy. and another two to make it home finally at around 5 a.m.
It struck me as kind of ironic that my last blog talked about Joseph and Mary’s excursion to Bethlehem and getting over the walls in our lives while here I was on my own excursion to make it home to Upland facing a wall of red lights. I can’t tell you how difficult those last few hours were, and how long those two days seemed (thus the title in jest). I did wonder though what God wanted to do in or with my life at that time and I had plenty of it to think. It also reminded me of a time before when I was questioning the rain and God’s hand in all of these kinds of things. I posted a blog about it and may repost it if I can find it.

On a good note, I led worship at CC Montebello today and although it was 4 services and I had to wake up way early it was great and refreshing leading them (boy those people will sing whether you’re there or not), and it was way kewl to be in front and listen to them all. Singing has a way of pouring out our souls to God and He will never be outdone, He will always pour more into us.
Next week and weekend I am going back up to Sacramento and then St. Helena, appreciate your prayers as this last wall really took a lot out of me.

Blessings,
Sam

I cry out to the LORD;
I plead for the LORD’s mercy.
I pour out my complaints before him
and tell him all my troubles.
When I am overwhelmed,
You alone know the way I should turn.
Wherever I go … Psalm 142

When God Builds a Wall

You may have heard the saying when God closes a door He opens a window, it sounds nice and is something we like to read in our little box of promises, but in my expierience sometime the door closes and there is no window in sight, in fact sometimes it seems as if God closes a door and builds a wall!
I think the difficult thing for us to understand (at least for me) is that my circumstances (and by that i mean my comfort) are really no way to determine if God is at work or not. I mean imagine if Mary and Joseph used their circumstances to determine if God was at work in their lives or not? Here they are on their way to Bethlehem in the last days of Mary's pregnancy (riding on a donkey no less) all because some hedonistic king wants to take a census so he can get more money. Do you think that maybe they were feeling a little stressed out? I know in that circumstance I would be wondering "ok God where's the window that my promise book talked about?"

It is only because in retrospect that we understand God was orchestrating all of mankind to bring about the most incredible event that would ever take place in human history, that the Word would become flesh and dwell among us, but i bet you a million to one Joseph and Mary weren't feeling the love at that moment.

What drives people to keep moving forward in faith? It's definitely not circumstances, maybe it's perseverance in spite of they we see, or fail to see. In 1 Samuel14:13 it speaks of Jonathan and his armor bearer climbing up, using their hands and feet to engage the Philistine army. Now why is that verse in the Scriptures? If he was climbing what else would he use besides his hands and feet? Maybe the same way Jonathan climbed the mountain and Joseph walked to bethlehem is also the way we get past the wall in front of us. So when it seems like God has closed the door and put up a wall, you can wait for a window, or you can use your hands and feet

...and get over it

Just Two Days

Just Two days
I really don't want to, but I'm going to be heading back up to Sacramento tomorrow morning for a coupel of days. Chris who is one of the trainers has a couple of lessons already scheduled that she said would be great for me, they are with aggressive dogs so it should be exciting. I hope to leave early in the morning and get back early, early Saturday morning. I keep telling myself it's just two days.
Well glad to report that Lauren passed her drivers test and is now an official licensed driver (just a word of warning). I also am supposed to get my toyota Camry back next week (boy that's a whole story in itself).

Would appreciate the prayer for my family and me the next two days. Jordan and Daniel are still home so that's comforting to me, and again, it's just two days

...and about 900 miles ha-ha

Update on friends son Dan

Some of you know about my friends son who has cancer, I wanted to post this update and ask that all of you continue to pray for Dan. Please pray as if this were your own son, brother or loved one and realize that a mother and fathers heart are tied to this young man, so should ours be who are his spiritual family.
"And if one member suffers all the members suffer with it" - 1 Cor. 12:26

From Dan's blog...

So I don't know the last time I blogged... but here goes. I told you in my status I would write about the good news, and now it is coming.

As of tomorrow the 7th, I will have been on chemo for three months (minus a week where I had a break, which was nice) but I did start on 7/7/07. Nice, huh. Well, the good news (aside from me handling the last two treatments (3&4) very well) is I had a PET scan on the 27th of September. I last had a PET scan on July 28th, and my mom took the new scan home and compared it with the old one. Anyway, she called me, and was crying, saying she was looking at my scan... thanks, mom. My dad took the phone, told me it was good news, and my mom was just being emotional.

Basically, in the first scan, my liver was filled with tumors, forcing it all the way across my abdomen. The new scan showed my liver at about 3/4 of the way across my abdomen, which is normal. So they're shrinkin. :D ALSO, in the first scan, they were lighting up a lot, meaning they were metabolically more active than a sugar-loaded 6 year-old. Second scan: they look as active as an octegenarian couch potato. So that's hot. Praise the Lord, faithful like none other.
I didn't want to write until now, because yesterday was when I found out what was happening next. I got chemo again (round 5) and in three weeks, I will have round 6. After that, I will have a CT scan (which better shows size, as PET shows activity better) to check out the size of those little buggers, and see what to do from there. And with the fantastic combination of me tolerating the chemo well plus the chemo kicking those tumors bununus (buttockses in Hume Lake-ish), I think those tumors could be gone soon.

Thanks to all who have prayed at least once, thanks to all those who prayed daily, thanks to God the Almighty of the universe! I'll admit it's a lot easier to say that when things are going well. But it is more powerful to say it when things are poopy. You know? 'I feel like crap, but praise God anyway, because, quite frankly, He's God.' Wow.

Another thing I remembered upon a pondering moment... I remember being frustrated (kinda) that I didn't have a cool testimony. Nothing like, 'I was on the streets addicted to crack' or 'I turned to God when I was about to kill myself'. More like, 'I was born on a Tuesday and in church on Sunday'. Woohoo. But now, God has decided to let me have a testimony more interesting than I've had before. I had a strange form of a rare cancer, random crap happened to my body all the time, and yet, the peace of Christ saturated my soul through it all. He was there through it all, as He had been when I was a healthy, boring-testimonied person. How bout that, huh? God is awesome. Amen.

Sept. / Oct.

Sept. Oct. the uttermost parts of the world

It's been pretty busy lately and I haven't had an internet signal available till now. I'm hijacking someone's wifi signal (thank you whoever you are, I promise not to black hole all the band width.)

I went up to Roseville Wed. afternoon for the dog training and was able to work in four different training sessions, including one where I actually took the leash! I have been staying at the business owners place for three days and then met Corinne, Lauren, Alyssa along with my cousin and others in Davis last night (Friday) for dinner. After dinner Corinne and the girls had to find an Urgent care somewhere in Sacramento because Lauren has an ear infection or something and is in a lot of pain. I came up here to Napa and the girls made it in later.

I've had a couple of conversations this week that have got me thinking. The first was when I was asked if I thought that a persons life could be blessed if they had no children. The reason they asked was because once at church he heard that if you had children you were blessed and so he assumed that because he didn't, that somehow he wasn't. What really got to me was that he wished he had a family, but felt now it's too late.

Imagine living with the thought that no matter what you do, the rest of your life will be less than what it should be. I think a lot of people feel this way with a lot of situations and for a lot of reasons. I shared with him that there are many people who don't have children or who have even lost children that are still blessed. I told him not to dwell on what you can't change, but on what you can.

The second conversation was over lunch after a lesson, the trainer and O were talking about the changes that take place in our lives and the importance of not thinking so much of ourselves to the point where we make others a convenience for our needs and have little or no regard for them, their feelings or their needs. When she dropped me off at my truck she asked me where the church i was pasturing was at. I told her no where right now, that's one of the reasons why I'm dog training. She very kindly added that if I started a church in their area that she would go and bring her whole family. Wow, i thought, that was easy, all i had to do was listen and share a little of what the scriptures teach and the Lord faithfully fills in the needs.

Both these conversations stirred in me some of the things I have been studying for the services I'm teaching this Sunday in Acts. There is such a need in every community for people to be what Jesus told us we are to be in Acts chapter one, "witnesses". Erwin Mc Mannus explains it as "proof" of God, and that the smallest denomination that God measured for the disciples was not people, families or small towns, but whole cities, like Jerusalem, Judea and eventually the entire world.

So maybe once again I am thinking to small, maybe the Lord doesn't want me to talk to a few people, maybe He wants something more from all of us, maybe He wants us to affect whole communities and not just one, but a whole bunch of them. I have at least three in my mind right now, anyone up for a challenge? Definitely going to need a couple of add shots for this one.

... and from reading Acts, i don't think caffeine is enough.

September Update

September Update

The dog training has been really slow down here; in fact it hasn’t happened at all. I almost went out on one call, but the company owner called me and said he didn’t care for the trainer I was supposed to go out with, and would rather I didn’t go. So… he’s the boss and I didn’t go. Hopefully things will change here soon, but until then it looks like I will be doing more traveling up to Sacramento which is kind of a bummer.

We have heard from our son Samuel (who left for the Marines on 9-11-07) three times now, which is somewhat of a miracle if you know Samuel at all. He’s written once to grandparents and twice to us. Of course it’s been good to hear from him and we have been encouraged that he has gone to the church service twice and is asking for us to please pray for him as he has a cough and does not want to get pneumonia, so please pray with us for this.

Corinne and I will be going to Jeff’s mom’s memorial service tomorrow up in Ventura and then I will be continuing my way to the Valley for the weekend and Corinne will head back home. Next week it looks like I will be going up to Sacramento on Wednesday for the dog training, Corinne Lauren and Alyssa will pick me up sometime Friday and the four of us will then go up Valley for the Rock of Ages festival and the Sunday services in Napa and St. Helena.

It has been a bit strange for us in that it feels as if we are somewhat living in two worlds (Northern and Southern CA), yet not entirely living in either one. It is mentally fatiguing and we keep getting dates mixed up and are constantly dependant on Outlook to let us know what is planned. I recently purchased a laptop (which was supposed to arrive today), this will help me when I am away with my studies.. I had hoped to get it up and running before this weekend, but doesn’t look like that’s going to happen, maybe by next week.

I can’t tell you how we appreciate all the prayer, support (helped buy the laptop) and encouragement that all of you have given to us, you have no idea how timely it has been and how it has lifted our spirits. Thank you sooooooo much.

Much love,
Sam & Corinne

Something About Friends

Something About Friends

As I have been home the past two weeks as opposed to traveling up north for the dog training and teaching in St. Helena, it has been nice staying in my own home and sleeping in my own bed. Another nice thing has been the meetings I have had with friends. There were two get together this week, one was with those who have been with me on worship teams over the years and the other was for a couple of great guys who were up for a short time from Vizcano Mexico.
Its funny how we get used to things, like our favorite pillow or restaurant, it’s comforting having a familiarity that takes away the apprehension of uncertainty. For example whenever I go out to eat at the Macaroni grill, I always order the Shrimp Portofino. Now I have tried a lot of other dishes, but that one has always stood out above the others for me. So whenever I go there to eat (which is not very often), and everyone around is looking at their menu wondering, I just sit back eat all the bread because I already know what I want, and it is something I have always enjoy.

There is a similar familiarity with my friends and it’s a good thing. I’ve know some of them for years, and others not as long, but I have enjoyed the time with them so much, it has been rich, warm, and refreshing. Some of my friends have poured out their hearts to me, and I too have been able to open my soul to some of them as well. There is a comfort knowing that I am with people I know and who know me, and even though some of them know me very well, they still seem to like me anyway.

Love is an unusual commodity, I really believe it is limitless. When Corinne and I had our first kids (the twins) I could not believe how my heart grew in love for these two boys and when our third son and then daughter were born, I never had to divide the love I had for the first two and now split it 4 ways, my heart just continued to grow more and more. The problem isn’t that there is not enough love; the problem is there isn’t enough time. Which is why I like spending time with those I love and which is why it was so nice to see everyone together these two times, it was like going to all my favorite restaurants and getting to order my favorite meal from each

… and still have room for desert.

May the Lord make your love for one another and for all people grow and overflow, just as our love for you overflows. – 1 Thes. 3:13

Starting Over

Starting Over

Sept. 15, 2007
Well I am up in Roseville right now which is by Sacramento and then off to St. Helena tomorrow afternoon. Today as I was on another "ride-along" for a dog training lesson, the trainer I was riding along with asked me why I wanted to start learning how to train dogs? I have to confess my first thought was not a happy one, it had to do with the word "start" and starting over.

There is always this feeling I get when I am starting a new line of work (and I've done this quite a bit). It's this humbling "I don't know what I'm doing can you please help me?" feeling.The second thing I thought was a bit better, it was that the only real reason I am doing this, or anything I've done the past 20+ years, Is so I can make a living to provide for my family and that will allow me to continue to tell people this great news about who Jesus really is. Now I didn't put it in those words when I told the trainer I was riding along with, but I did get to tell her how this is what I really love to do. Bottom line, I want to live for Jesus "full time" and any 40 hour a week part time job that helps me do that is ok with me. Besides, it's good to be humbled now and then,

...it helps me with my full time job.

Helpless to Remember

Helpless to Remember

I am helpless remembering so many things effecting how I feel right now. Memories of my son Samuel that are so precious to me, the spontaneous "I love you dads", the great bear hugs and kisses, or the times when we would have heart to heart talks about everything from toys to what happens after you die. I could go on and on with the things that warm my heart and are making my eyes well up with tears, but there is one story I do want to share that means a lot to me right now.
I was supposed to go to Las Vegas with a client for a wood working convention back in 1999, but they at the last minuet couldn't go so instead of going to Vegas by myself, I decided to take Samuel with me. I had a great room at the Luxor hotel, and already made reservations for dinner at Mid-Evil times, so my son and I got to enjoy the benefits of my works generosity for a couple of nights.
After our dinner we went walking down the blvd. looking at all the hotels, the fountains, enjoying some of the rides and entertainment. As we went along from hotel to hotel, my son would take and hold my hand. I could see he was having a great time by how his face lit up and by the sparkle in his eyes. I didn't mention it, but Samuel was 13 years old at the time.



Let me ask you a question, how many 13 year old boys would on their own choose to hold their dad's hand while they were walking out in public? Well Samuel did! All night long from place to place he would take my hand, ask me questions, wonder what we were going to do next. I remember one guy walked past us and looked at me rather strange that I was holding this 13 year olds hand and I almost let go worrying what some people might think, but a voice inside me stood firm and said "don't you dare loose this moment!" In fact it was then that I realized what an incredible moment it was, and what a great son I had.
Well Samuel is off to the Marine Corps for the next five years, please pray for the safety of his heart, soul and body, I can't begin to tell you what he means to me, but I know I will never forget. I also can't imagine what he means to God, who knows his full potential and I have great comfort knowing that He will not forget Samuel as well.